Confessions of a MORSELIST: Trouble in Tahiti- Naked Exhaustion

Happy MORSELICIOUS MONDAY!!

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!
Many of you are still asking for more details

about what happened in Tahiti and I’ve just been too raw

to “go there,” however, I wrote a poem when I first came back

and have decided to share with you.

WARNING:  NOT for the weak of heart, no pun intended.

It’s very raw and different from my usual

MORSELIST posts. I hope you will appreciate and I thank you

in advance for all or your incredible support.

Life is NOT always wrapped up in pretty coconut leaves, but 

one thing I’ve learned OVER and OVER is that we are SURVIVORS

and COOKIES CRUMBLE, MORSELS DO NOT!!

NAKED EXHAUSTION by Maura Knowles

Imagine. A foreign country/culture. No one speaks your language.
You are forced to become a master at charades and observation.
Add to the mix:
the emotions and emergency of your loved one being
critically hospitalized…uncertain of waking up from a coma.
Brain function.
Medicine: another foreign language.
Life and death at your fingertips.
Dripping.
Oozing.
Pulsing.
Flatlining.
Pumping.
Throbbing.
Suffocating humidity
Choking air
Enveloping every pore.
Emotions: unfamiliar, too familiar
Stress wrecks every cell.
Stress – too tame a word/feeling …almost degrading.
fighting for survival: everyone you love
Medical terms-insurance-TRAVEL insurance: yet another foreign language
the chosen one to fight this particular battle
but HOW?
Figure it out.
FIND the solution.
Decipher the vocabulary.
Find a way/ANY way to communicate.
No cell phone?
No computer?
FIND one!
Keyboard -another language?
Never imagined that was an option?
Everything you have learned up to this moment doesn’t matter or make sense.
FIGURE IT OUT!
HOW?
JUST DO IT!
SURVIVAL!
RESOURCES!
People are people all over the world.
Human compassion.
Tears, frustration, hearts, family, friends, love, humor, tenacity, fears…
YES!
Find the common denominator.
Ask for HELP!
DEMAND compassion.
Oxymoron
Document EVERYTHING and
keep your documents close!
Converting
Conversing
every scenario plays
nothing makes sense
purely paradoxical
is that a word?
English?
French?
Tahitian?
Latin?
Do NOT stop to rest or risk collapse
TOO MUCH to do!
Remember your loved one in bed connected by tubes
FIGHT for him!
There will be LIGHT!
RIGHT?
Night bleeds to day…
Cacophonies of cooing and cockadoodle doing…
the novelty of those sounds has bitterly worn off…
almost laughable..at times
crazy cadence
cafe
coco de nuit
Juggling becomes master sport
balancing expertise
where has the humor gone?
don’t lose the glimmer
search for night stars shining
the beacon to light the way
in this travesty of HELL!
Do NOT break!
You are too strong!
Policies and pre-existing conditions
terms
fine print
loopholes
denied
pay and submit
denied
pay and submit
do NOT give up!
Paradise of Horror
healthy eating: superfluous
not whittling away: priority
maintain
eating healthy: secondary
insurance: primary/secondary
defining/decoding/deciphering
missions changing/adapting
what normally matters
focus altered
must be
survival skills sculpted
priorities shifted
incredible beauty amidst terrifying boulders
boulders of strength
boulders of pain
boulders of magic and miracles
mystical
majestic
detours
fight the fight
angels assist
wings take flight
air
oxygen
call it what you will
escape
emergency
emergenCEE
saving grace
familiar meets unfamiliar
ground
feelings
emotions
territories
find a routine
ANYTHING
TERMS
who’s?
what?
INSTINCT
SURVIVAL
whatever it takes
gasping for air
like tiny bubbles
I.V.
under water
scuba
floating bubbles
floating islands
shining and blurping their way to the surface
LIGHT!
quiet
magical
SCREAMING
GLARING
deafening stillness
how do these worlds connect?
collide?
revel
respect
revere
forever faith
BELIEVE
don’t give up
broken heart
broken language
broken spirit
NOT broken faith
thick and sticky like molasses
MORE sugar
MORE sucre
TRES DANGERUESE
the doctors kept repeating
“sel e  sucre tres dangeruese!”
NO translation needed
Le cur-mal
Le cur-amour
The HEART
never stops loving
always there
loyal and true
Le cur
climb the highest peak
scale that mountain range
safari of a lifetime
high above the cliffs
and dive
outstretched wings
SOAR
SURRENDER
SURVIVE
Bonjour
Bon Sante
Bon Anne
Bon Chance
Please share your VALENTINE COUPON CODE:  “xomo”
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42 thoughts on “Confessions of a MORSELIST: Trouble in Tahiti- Naked Exhaustion”

  1. Mo-
    That was just beautiful and painful at the same time. I am so glad your dad recovered a bit and was well enough to make it back to the US. The tubes…sadly, T’s mom did not make it. For everyone out there with ailing parents, bless each moment of each day with them. xoxo, c

  2. Out of so much pain and confusion you found clarity and created a thing of beauty. Thank you for your courage and for sharing your journey. Sending good thoughts for your father’s continued recovery!

  3. Mo, I can’t even imagine. Even though I am on the other side of the country and we don’t really know each other, I have thought of all of you often. I hope that he is doing well. Hugs xoxo

  4. You are SO terrific, as a person, a writer, and a friend. Wonderful poem, and obviously I am thinking great thoughts for you and your family!!!!

  5. I went through this IN AMERICA, IN ENGLISH, and it was horrible. I cannot begin to imagine how utterly terrible this could have been for all of you. You are a strong and amazing woman, and you have my awe and admiration!

  6. Thanks for sharing this amazing and powerful poem! Your word choice and phrasing made me feel the fear, frustration, hope, love–a whole range of emotions. Hope your Dad continues to make progress in his healing.

  7. So love reading your blog each day! What an amazing poem! I loved it though hate that you had to go through such an unbelievable experience.
    Thanks for all the info last Friday on Inflamation and hormones too!
    Kym

  8. A health emergency is always horribly unsettling-in a foreign country beyond so. Poem clearly conveys all emotions.
    That’s why so many experts are against “medical tourism,” which typically involves an elective procedure – because things go wrong and you are then at the mercy of a foreign healthcare system with possible language difficulties.

  9. Thank you for feeling that you could share this amazing piece of your heart with all of us, Moca… Wow, it’s deeply moving and powerful. I needed to remind myself to breathe part-way through reading it. What a terrifying, frustrating, helpless situation. I send Blessings of peace and healing to all of you and heart-felt wishes that your father is doing okay…
    Love you, ~Mica

  10. Wow!! What an amazing, heart wrenching, heart pounding, poem. I could feel and imagine you every step of the way. You are the strongest most tenacious person I know. Xoxo M

  11. A good friend of mine had a difficult experience in the Bahamas this last August. Her mom had a heart attack while on vacation with the family. So many things in your beautiful poem sounded familiar. So many. I still can’t imagine what you and my friend both went through. So scary. Such a life experience. My friends mom didn’t make it due to the lack of emergency medical care. I’m so glad your dad did!! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family each and every day. What a strong girl you are:))

  12. Words, beautiful words, terrifying words, raw words, words that come right to the point and jar you out of complacency to make you realize that we are all in this together – a wonderfully graphic poem Maura!

  13. Your post was so very touching and I can tell it was a huge release for you to get that out. Kudos! You should be so proud of yourself for putting that out there! You are an inspiration!

    Missy

    PS. Your morsels are DIVINE!!!!

  14. what an incredible and powerful poem! i know what’s it’s like to be ill in a foreign country, and it is a frightening experience. but it’s also heartwarming to find people who want to help you, even with a language barrier. i totally understand the frustration of dealing with insurance, too. ugh. i hope all is well by now… thank you for sharing such honest emotions with us!

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